At the beginning of the year I was asking God to give me scriptures for the year that would define this next chapter and lead me and our family. I have begun to cling to God’s word more and more and truly see it as the light for my path. I felt God telling my spirit that I needed to pray for ‘new territory’ and ask for MORE.
“Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!” -1 Chronicles 4:10
So I began praying and believing and LOOKING for the great things God had ahead for us.
And then Keller was diagnosed with autism.
Recently God reminded me of my preayers for new territory. I KNOW He reminded me of these prayers. I KNOW He is telling me that this territory of special needs is a gift from Him. This territory of autism has been given to me by God and this is our new world to receive.
This was NOT the kind of territory I was praying for.
I had to honestly google what the menaing of autism was. Okay… I STILL have to google it when I write about it because I STILL don’t fully understand it. There are a lot of places that I thought were my future territory that God was going to be giving me. I have a list of options that God evidently decided to ignore. I did NOT want the territory of special needs.
I contacted one mother in our area who has a child with autism after our diagnosis; to make connections and learn about resources. She shouted with laughter over the phone, “Welcome to the club!”
I do not want to be in this club.
No one wants to be in the club of special needs. It’s the club you would never choose and can never leave. But for me, it’s not just a club but it’s TERRITORY that God has given me. It’s my place to wrestle in, and where I have to hold onto His promises in faith. It’s my new WORLD and it’s from within this world that God wants to change me and mold me. It’s from this WORLD that God wants to share His story. It’s from this WORLD that God wants to share His glory.
This is my territory.
I may not want this new territory, but it’s been given to me as a gift. And even though it seems hard and IMPOSSIBLE, it’s not, and God is more than enough for the journey. It’s MY territory.
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” -Helen Keller