Little Gifts

Being in the midst of struggle really can be tough, but it also can help you REALLY APPRECIATE when life gives you little gifts.

We have a garden and greenhouse on the grounds of the OV Methodist church that was constructed by a recent mission team for weeks the ladies of the church have been watering and sewing and working… with no results.  It has just been patches of dirt.  Until yesterday morning, when Kieren happened to look out her bedroom window and said, “Mommy there are FLOWERS!”  I didn’t even know what she was talking about until later in the morning when we drove by the garden and recognized the yellow treasures that had confidently sprouted from the ground.  The flowers had bloomed!!  All of a sudden, when I hadn’t even been watching they appeared.

Dear sweet Jesus thank you for Kieren Joy Prince.  What a gift that little person is.

Little gifts of life seem to be springing up all around and out of nowhere in our world.  They are bringing me so much joy and very welcome in the difficult terrain that we seem to be journeying through.  Gifts like randomly meeting someone super amazing from the Congo where my good friends Mathy and Antoine live.  Or an incredible DOUBLE rainbow over Ocean View in the morning after a hard rain.

Little gifts like a beautiful warm day where I can wear flip flops even though it is truly winter here in Africa, or a little text from a friend remembering something about my life, or my superman husband going out of his way to start every day with a hug.  BIG gifts like when some of our greatest friends in the world come all the way from North Carolina and spend a week with you and just sink into the goodness of your life.  Like when these amazing friends bring you bags of gifts like Santa Claus and cards from home and little things that make you smile.  Like when these beautiful friends just LOVE the people who you LOVE and celebrate their amazingness.  Oh man, we have had some gifts here with Dan and Suzanne Kelly visiting.

Then there was another BIG GIFT because we got a DOG.  I had recently learned that kids with autism often connect with family pets and so we had been talking about getting a dog for Keller.  But then a friend of ours in Ocean View had a litter of Jack-Russel terriers and decided to GIVE us one as a gift.  Just like that.  So boom our week just got really wonderful.  Kieren is obsessed with ‘her’ new dog that she tried to name Rosie but we swiftly changed it to Beyonce.  For obvious reasons.  The jury is still out on Keller as I think he likes all the ‘cute’ attention in the house and doesn’t want to share with Queen B, but he will surely warm up.  She is a sweet little puppy that has brought some sunshine into our world.

I am thankful for beautiful little gifts that God gives us in these days.  Our God is a loving and giving God.  He lavishes His love on us. He is not hiding from us or keeping His goodness from our hearts.   If we look, He is always the gracious and abundant Father opening to door to meet us and running down the road to embrace us.

Where are the little gifts in YOUR life?

We Can Do Hard Things

We can do hard things

A couple weeks ago some wonderful friends of mine had a party just to celebrate the mantra “We Can Do Hard Things” coined by http://momastery.com/blog/.  I had never heard this before but it quickly has become my new motto.  We all sometimes have hard things in our lives, every day has many challenges, but every once in a while life takes you to the edge of hard things and you aren’t quite sure if you CAN do it.

This week on twitter I saw a post from a sweet little college student saying that becoming an adult was ‘hard.’  You have NO IDEA.  Yep, being an adult is hard.  

Sometimes life is just hard and there isn’t an easy fix.  I notice how difficult this is for others who are watching our lives as they are filled with anxiety in seeing our world that is only getting harder and there isn’t really an end in sight.  They try to give answers or they try to suggest new things or they just stay away.  I get it.  It’s awkward because our life is hard.  It just is.

What is funny (not really) is that our life is actually harder than people even know.  Here is an example.  I was driving into Ocean View one afternoon last week, on a busy afternoon.  In this time of day people are walking all over Ocean View, coming home from school, going to get food for their family, or generally just hanging out outside.  This is an every day norm as life on the streets are alive.  This day one young man was walking across the main road that I happened to be driving on and had two dogs walking with him not on a leash (this is normal).  He looked at me as I drove and took a slight pause in order to walk behind my car just as I passed.  One of his dogs also paused and another did not.  And in an instant I ran over a daushound puppy.  I felt it and heard it.  Kieren was in the car and immediately the dog was shrieking.  I stayed calm and didn’t let Kieren get out of the car.  My initial thought was that the dog’s insides were obviously outside which I didn’t want to see, but knew I needed to get out of the car.  It wasn’t my fault as I was driving on a normal busy road, but the puppy wasn’t protected by this young man and the accident happened.  He was holding the dog, there was blood, but no inside guts.  And the young man just GLARED at me and walked away.  WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY?!?  Luckily one of his friends began to talk to me saying he was taking the dog to his family now, and then I remembered I could also talk and told him I lived in Ocean View at the Methodist church.  So I asked him to come later if they needed help.  And they did need help.  So now I have a new relationship with a young rastafarian man whose dog now has a horribly broken leg and needs surgery.  I have helped with X-rays and initial vet costs but can’t help further.  It is the WORST.  Like the WORST.  Seriously with all the challenges we are facing, most of which we don’t share about because we don’t believe in airing all our hangnails and stomach aches, but I did not need to add RUNNING OVER A DOG to our list.

But this is life.  Life happens.  Sometimes it is blissful and beautiful and sunshine.  And sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes you are having a really hard day and then you run over a dog.  But as our randomly suck-y week continued I was reminded of my new motto, “I can do hard things.”

This is it at the end of the day.  When life really hands you difficulties, like REAL difficulties, you have to just keep showing up.  Life is hard but WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.  For me I have Jesus Christ with me every moment and I feel His strength and presence with me.  I cling to His Word and the promises that I believe are over my life.  But there is no magic wand with Jesus.  You just keep getting up and keep showing up to what you have been given.  AND even in the hard things there are so, so many beautiful and miraculous little moments.  Even when life is really hard, it is also really good.

We can do HARD THINGS.  We can.  I can.  You can.

Therapizing

Keller’s world of play is more and more becoming a world of therapy.  I say we are ‘therapizing’ our entire lives at this point.  Wake up turns into a therapy opportunity.  School is a place where he is pushed toward therapy goals.  Afternoon play is time for therapy.  And then we end the day with bed-time play with a therapy spin.  Yep.  Therapizing our world.

We are now (finally!) starting ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy with some great therapists.   It is based around play but will really push Keller because the goal is to change his behavior to age-appropriate goals based on rewards.  Basically it’s changing his behavior to grow and learn.  A neruotypical child just naturally follows and mimics his or her parents and then learns behaviors, eating, talking, and social cues.  Keller does not do that and so has to be taught everything.  So we are starting with about 3 hours a week and will quickly move to 6 hours and more.  This is in addition to his occupational therapy goals to help him with his sensory problems and our new dietary focus to get him more nutrition and rule out any food sensitivities.

As we therapize our world I feel like I am the last to accept it all.  Keller is doing great (even though today included many tears, it ended in happy play).  Kieren desperately wants to help Keller with EVERYTHING and loves being his therapist, as she is already sister, momma, coach, and dance instructor to him.  Casey is taking it all in stride as he always does with life and is welcoming this new change seeing how much it will help Keller in the end.  And then there is ME.  I KNOW that the end goal is a Keller who can function and flourish in the world, which means he has a lot to learn, but his cries tear my heart apart.  His world is very different from normal kids and I just can’t seem to accept it.  But while it may not be fair, we see God is GOOD in providing so many to walk this new journey with us.  We have doctors, therapists, community, resources, and tons of advice and wisdom.  It may not be fair but it is full… FULL of God’s goodness and provision.

So Jesus we receive this new therapized world along with your great love for us that is so, so evident.

And YOU are welcome for bringing a new word into your world: ‘therapizing.’  Use it in a sentence right now so you don’t forget it.

Always a Conquerer

This weekend I was scheduled to preach at Ocean View Methodist Church once again, something I am privileged to do every month.  It is something I look forward to every month as I love teaching an building God’s word into my church community.  But this month I was a little nervous about it.

This would be my first sermon at OV Methodist since D-DAY (Keller’s diagnosis day) and I was unsure of my steps.  I have wondered in the past two months on many occasions if I would get up to speak or lead at something and just fall into an overwhelming crying spell in the middle of a sentence.  It hasn’t happened, but I have wondered… I wasn’t sure if I could get through an entire sermon, but more I wasn’t sure I had the emotional energy to listen to God’s voice for my church and then write a sermon.  It takes a lot of my heart and mind and emotional space and I take it very seriously.  But in praying about this sermon I felt led to move forward and began praying through the sermon.

I felt two things should be said.  I first knew that I should just tell Keller’s story and confess where we were emotionally.  We had told our church of Keller’s diagnosis but not much else, and I wanted to share.  The facts of the diagnosis are important but I also wanted them to know of their pastor’s broken heart and unsteady future.  But second I felt God wanted me to share His simple truth that He is with us in dark days and difficult times.

Sharing my story of Keller’s diagnosis of autism NOW is hard because the story isn’t finished.  We don’t know the last chapter and I have no idea if it will ever be tied up in a nice bow.  I hate telling stories in the middle when they are still hard.  I like the finished version where it’s OVER and I am DONE and my heart is put back together.  But this weekend I felt God telling me to tell the story now.  Tell it from the darkness.

From the ‘not yet.’  From the wanting and waiting place.  From today.

However, even in the dark, there are many things to claim and celebrate, and God led me to the end of Romans 8 in preparing to share my story.  In these days though, Romans 8 is hard to believe at times.

Paul writes, “ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” -Romans 8:37

I don’t feel much like a conquerer these days.  I feel like a survivor.  I feel like a crying mess.  I feel like a barely making it momma.  I feel like we are getting by.  But a CONQUERER?  Where is the conquering and victory in TODAY??   The tomorrows might have victory stories, but TODAY?

God has simply laid it on my soul that the victory in today is HIM.  HE is the victory.  HE is the conquering of my situation.  No matter how dark it feels and look HE is with me.  He is loving me, fighting for me, and blessing me with his presence.  

HE IS THE TREASURE.  HE IS THE PRIZE.  HE IS THE VICTORY.

Where are you needing a conquering spirit in your life?  Because Jesus says we are MORE than conquerers because He is with us.

Hallelujah and AMEN.

(See full sermon notes below)

Always a Conquerer Sermon

Our Hearts

This weekend was full of ministry and friends and occasions and people.

I honestly didn’t know how I would make it through.

It included one of my first real ministry obligations since Keller’s diagnosis.  I have been still serving in Ocean View and supporting families, but really slowed down in many of my roles to allow us time to process and adjust to Keller’s new needs.  I was asked last year to be the wedding officiant for a wonderful couple that I taught in my first year at Cornerstone Institute and they mean so much to me.  Weddings are always a privilege and this one was extra special.

But in the back of my mind I kept wondering HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS??

I am not a complete wreck, but my feelings are still so ripe and raw and I had no idea if I was up to such a special and holy occasion.  However, God asked me to be His instrument and so I stepped in.

The day was FULL as I actually first attended the wedding of our great Hillsong friends Thomas and Nande who were married deep in the hills of the winelands, in an area called Tulbagh.  It was a breathtaking setting and the ceremony was full of God’s praise and joy.  Seriously was a special day and I felt lifted being a part of the congregation (it was really a WORSHIP SERVICE and not just a wedding!).

I then rushed to the wedding I was officiating and I count is as such an honor to be such an intimate part of people’s lives.  I get to lead the most important worship service of a couple’s life and see their eyes filled with love and gratitude.  It is beyond beautiful and a privilege to be a part of.  Andrew and Candice said their vows, cried tears of joy, and clutched each other’s hands as they became ONE.  What fun for me.

As I was driving home alone, with the breathtaking scenery of South Africa surrounding me, I couldn’t help but be filled with awe and thankfulness to Jesus.  He is truly alive in my life, and even though the days are fragile, HE IS NOT.  He is God and will always be GOD.  He is looking to fill us and use us, no matter what state our lives may look.

 This is what the Lord says:

“Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool.

“I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts,
    who tremble at my word.”  

-Isaiah 66:1-2

God is looking to fill people who are open.  People who are humble.  People who are broken.  People who are surrendered.

This weekend was a testimony of HIS GREATNESS and STRENGTH when we give him our open hearts.

What is the state of your heart today?

Could you build me a temple as good as that?
    Could you build me such a resting place?
My hands have made both heaven and earth;
    they and everything in them are mine.
    I, the Lord, have spoken!

NEW

In these very full days I sometimes go to bed feeling completely overwhelmed.

My mind races with the events of the days.  What I did.  What I DIDN’T DO.

This must be a feeling that other parents face, especially parents of kids with special needs.  The possibilities are endless for therapies and interventions and teachings.  I make efforts but at the end of the day I often find there was more that I didn’t do than what I did.

It can be overwhelming and paralyzing.

Some days are full and hectic and crazy and fun.  We laugh and play and have great moments together.  We are the Prince’s and so that is ALWAYS what we do.  Other days are hard and confusing and discouraging.

And so I go to sleep with a racing mind and a full heart.

But then I wake up and the morning is new.  The possibilities are fresh.  The slate is clean.

No matter how heavy I go to bed, I have noticed that somehow I wake up light and hopeful.  This can only be GOD.

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning. -Lamentations 3:22-23

I want to encourage you that whatever chapter YOU are writing in your life.  If it’s one of easy or incredibly heavy, to just keep walking forward with God.  Each day holds so much strength and possibility in God.  The future may look uncertain and unknown but just take the NEXT STEP and take it IN HIM.

“When you don’t know what to do next, just do the thing that is in front of you.” -Elizabeth Elliot

Our Team

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough

There is a lot of stumbling around here.  Most of it is my fault.  Or really it’s my DAD’s fault.  You see, he is such a klutz.  He drops, he spills, and he breaks.  EVERYTHING.  And then he passed it on to me.  And then I passed it on to Kieren.  Yesterday Kieren came down the hall crying her eyes out and when I asked what was wrong she said she bumped into the wall.  THE WALL.  Walls don’t move, but I wasn’t shocked a bit.  Kieren is constantly falling and breaking things.  The hard part is to not laugh at her while she is grieving her latest bump or bruise.

Emotionally the Prince family seems to be pretty clumsy lately, as well.

We are bumping and bruising and falling and breaking.  Things have been difficult over the past month.

There are many lessons we are learning now that Keller has brought us into the SPECIAL NEEDS community, and one of them is that you can’t do this alone.  We cannot bring Keller to healing and growth and fullness ALONE.  As great and intelligent as we are, we need a team of people to come around us and walk with us through the journey.

We are beginning FINALLY to assemble Keller’s ‘TEAM.’  Kids with autism need a team of therapists and doctors to help walk with them towards communication and social skills.  We have some great people with us and things are starting to look stronger.  But there are still many, MANY stumbles and falls on this path, and I know we need more than just a team of doctors and therapists.

We are meeting with one therapist named Bethany who lives in Scottland and feels that God wants her to come visit us on a MISSION TRIP.  Yep, she wants to do a mission trip to the MISSIONARIES.  It’s insane.  You can learn more about her trip here.  But even as we begin to meet with her and others, so often I feel completely overwhelmed and emotional.  It still seems surreal at times, like I am living someone else’s life.

And just when I need it someone comes and grabs my hand to help me walk the next step.  We need each other and I have never known it more deeply than in these days.  We couldn’t survive without people holding our hands.  Keller needs a strong team, but all of the Prince’s need a team to hold our hands and walk with us.

Thank you to those who are holding our hands both near and far.  We feel it and we will keep holding on as we stumble ahead.

Why Be Aware of Autism?

Today, April 2, is “World Autism Awareness Day”

It’s our FIRST autism day.

In 2007 the UN adopted this date to bring awareness to the disorder of autism.

“This UN resolution declares WAAD as one of only four official health-specific United Nations Days and will bring the world’s attention to autism, a pervasive disorder that affects tens of millions. The World Autism Awareness Day resolution encourages all Member States to take measures to raise awareness about autism throughout society and to encourage early diagnosis and early intervention. It further expresses deep concern at the prevalence and high rate of autism in children in all regions of the world and the consequent developmental challenges.”

So today the world stops and recognizes this disorder and the Prince family DEFINITELY recognizes it.  We can’t do anything else.

So why does KELLER want you to be aware of autism?  Well let him tell you himself.

“Be Aware of Autism, From the Heart of Keller Prince, 21 Months Old”

1. Be aware of autism but know that Autism is not who I am, it’s just a way to help you understand me.  I am not my diagnosis, I have a diagnosis.  I am not an autistic child, but I am a child with autism.  It just means that I learn and see the world differently.  It’s not a reason to look down on me, but a reason to stop and try to see the world through my eyes.  Maybe you will learn something new.

2. Be aware of autism because kids with autism feel the world differently.  To you it may be a normal day, or a normal mall, or a normal gathering, but to me it’s overwhelming and hostile.  That doesn’t mean that my meltdown is because I am a bad kid, it means I am overwhelmed and don’t know how to express myself.  Give me grace and I promise you will also see the happy, fun loving, bright-eyed side of me too.

3. Be aware of autism because it’s changed my world, but more be aware of autism because it’s changed SO MANY OTHERS’ WORLDS.  In Ocean View, if you have autism it can be almost impossible to get even a diagnosis or treatment.  Because I have so many people who love and support me I will get the best care possible and will flourish.  Everyone isn’t so lucky.  Be aware and lend a hand so OTHERS can have the therapies and doctors that I will have so easily.  Every person with autism deserves the best care.

4. Be aware of autism because it makes me special.  Autism doesn’t make me less, but it makes me different.  That is okay.  It’s okay to be different, it’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s okay to need help, and it’s okay to take a different road.  I didn’t choose this road of autism, but it’s going to make me the most incredible Keller Prince in the world.  And that is more than okay; it’s great.

Thanks for BEING AWARE OF AUTISM with us!

Little Things

When your life is suddenly turned upside down with a diagnosis of special needs, you need to learn to appreciate the little things.

Some days my heart and head seem to be completely swept away with the heaviness of what life may or may not look like.  We are kind of in a holding pattern as we begin different therapies and try to figure out what is going to work best for Keller.  We are having many initial and assessment meetings.  I am tired of the assessing.  I am ready for action.

So while we wait I am desperately trying to hold on to some kind of normal life.  Trying to make normal life.  Trying to take hold of the normal life that is always happening but slips by when you only look at the big and overwhelming things.

So as we wait, as we process, as we accept, we are LIVING.  We take walks, we go to the beach, we make great dinners, we laugh, we have dance parties, we have friends around, we hug and wrestle and play a LOT.

Much of life happens in the little moments, those that often go unnoticed.

“Don’t despise the little steps you know you can take every day. There are tiny miracles in each and every one of them.” 
― Israelmore Ayivor

I am reminded of how beautiful the little things are.  The Prince family might be weary but we are strong in spirit.  And the laughter and hugs AND WRESTLING MATCHES are slowly healing our broken hearts.  Thankful for the little moments of beauty in this world.

Your Story

Since sharing my story about Keller and his recent autism diagnosis, I have been overwhelmed by so many of YOUR STORIES.  As I have shared my story, you have shared yours.  And I have been deeply inspired and moved.

I have heard stories of your struggles.  Of unfulfilled dreams in motherhood and beyond.  In the agony of my shared story you have lifted me with your own tales of courage and overcoming.

I have some really incredible people around me.

What strikes me is that so many of you have incredible stories of bravery and overcoming, and they have never been shared.  You have told me about your heart and life but not shared it with the world.  And I think the world is missing out.  I think YOU are missing out by not telling your story.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

— Maya Angelou

We keep our stories to ourselves for many reasons.  We don’t want to burden the world, we don’t want attention from the the world, we don’t want the world to know our private lives.  All of these are fine reasons. I just think that in telling our stories, in sharing our testimonies, we get to see the glory of God walking with us in the midst of our hardship.  We get to recognize that even in our darkest hours we were never alone.  We see that though we thought we could never make it, we DID MAKE IT, and we became stronger in the trials.  We realize the beauty in heartache and that what blooms after the rain is glorious.

Are you sharing YOUR story?  What is untold in your life and heart and life that needs to be told?  Tell it for others.  Tell it so others know they aren’t alone.  But most of all, tell it for you.  TELLING your story and opening your heart brings FREEDOM.  It brings healing.  It brings hope.

It’s time for your story.  Keep telling it.  Personally, I have been humbled and amazed and strengthen by your stories.  Thank you.