Remember the Rise

This year for Ascension Day 2014 I was able to preach at Ocean View Methodist.  It was nice to personally reflect on the ascension of Christ and what difference it truly makes in my own life.

When I think of the ascension I always immediate recall Jesus saying, “But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you” (John 16:7).  This is such an incredibly ridiculous line!  How could it ever be BETTER that Jesus leave us!  And how eerie it must have been for the disciples as they stood looking at the sky with those words ringing in their ears?  This was something that Jesus was always trying to teach his followers, that he needed to leave in order for the real work to begin.

Even today I feel like we are often sitting looking at the clouds still in disbelief that Jesus ever left us, and wondering if he will truly come back.  We miss the promises that come with the RISE.  There is great promise in the rise but we have to stop REMEMBERING THE RISE and start RECEIVING THE RISE.

To truly receive the rise that Jesus gives us through His Holy Spirit, we need to do three things.

1. Embrace the MYSTERY.  Our life being filled with the Holy Spirit, without Jesus literally walking by our side is a total mystery.  We can’t predict the future and often times we can’t even understand what the heck is going on RIGHT NOW.  We need to stop trying to know and figure it all out.  We need to embrace the mystery of God and the mystery of what He wants to do.

2. Allow our EYES to RISE.  So often we are stuck looking at our present circumstances and deciding how to change them or looking behind and wishing the past would be different.  But Jesus wants our eyes and hearts to always be rising just as He did.  He wants us to not only look ahead but be MOVING ahead and always reaching out for what is next.  It might be hard, it might take all our energy, but the things of God are ABOVE and we need to go there.

3. We can’t just remember the rise, but we must RECEIVE the rise.  We can’t just recognize it or celebrate it but we have to receive it within our own lives.  “No longer do I live but Christ lives in me and the life I now live I live by faith in the Son of God” (Galatians 2:19, 20).  The Holy Spirit is ours to receive but so often we just go on talking about what Jesus could do but not receiving and claiming it for ourselves.  God is alive and active, we just have to open up to that work!

How can you RECEIVE the RISE today?

Remember the Rise Sermon

Keller Turns TWO!

Be. Still. My. Heart.

Today Keller James turns TWO.

Two years of sweet joy, two years of being a mother of a little boy.  Two years of lots of laughter, two years of a full and fun family.

Two years of much learning and stretching.  Two years of being broken and watching God build us all back again.

Two years of dreaming so many dreams and then re-dreaming them again with a fresh perspective.

Keller has changed our world.  He has made us better.  He has made us closer.  He has made us stronger.

We love differently now.  We see others differently now.  We are gentler.  More patient.  More thankful.

This boy has had my heart from the beginning and made me into something I had never expected.  Casey was the one who wanted a son, but since day one I have been obsessed with Keller.  I call him “little daddy face” because he is a little Casey-face staring up at me. As Keller grew so did his joy, his laughter, and the LIFE that sprung forward from him.  Even the hard days have been brighter with Keller in our world.

Keller’s second year of life has had many more challenges than we could have ever imagined with our autism diagnosis.  We have worked through it and every day I feel like we are unlocking the REAL KELLER beneath the stress, babbling, frustration, and confusion.  The real Keller isn’t autistic Keller, the REAL KELLER is full of laughter, loves learning new words, holds tight to those in his ‘inner circle,’ adores his family, and loves waking up every day to new adventures.

We are changed now and I look ahead to the next year of Keller’s life with different eyes.  I don’t wish for him to be successful by the world’s standards; I wish for Keller to be HIS kind of successful.  I don’t wish for him to be at the top of the class but just IN the class and a part of the class.  I don’t wish for easy days I wish for rich days.  I don’t wish away autism, but I wish that we would ALL be better because of autism.  I don’t wish for safety but I wish for God’s kingdom come.

Happy birthday sweet Keller James.  You are adored and treasured by this family and we thank Jesus for the two years in which you have transformed our world.

Surfing and Autism

Going to high school in Florida, surfers were all around and normal part of the makeup of life.  I wanted to be one and be with one and be in their world.  It was so sandy and effortless and tan.  And surf boys were cute.  So one day a friend of mine took a group of us to the beach (something we did a lot for the surfers to surf) but he taught ME how to surf on a longboard.  Well, let’s just say that it turned out to be not as effortless as I thought.  I don’t prefer salt water going in and out of every opening in my body, so it wasn’t really for me.  I wanted to be a surfer but learning how to surf was HARD and I don’t like being bad at things.  So that was it.  Tried it and it’s not for me.  Add surfing to the list of many other things I have tried and failed at such as soccer, card games, volleyball …

I don’t like HARD.  Really, more than that, I don’t like BEING BAD AT SOMETHING.  In our world of autism, once I tried out being Keller’s ‘mom-therapist’ I quickly realized it was HARD and I was BAD at it.  Now I am not being modest here; to be a ‘mom-therapist’ means you break from normal mom-mode and engage in therapy goals and games all the time.  It’s HARD and COMPLEX… and HARD.  So my go-to move was to just quit, but I can’t quit being Keller’s mom OR being his mom-therapist.  With early intervention for autism you need to use EVERY moment for therapy and growth.  Even my moments being a mom.  I am good at being a cuddle mom, I am good at being a knowing-every-need-before-it-happens mom, I am good at being laughter mom, and I am good at being take care of every-thing-you-need mom.  I am not good at being autism ‘mom-therapist’ mom.  But there are no take-backs in the world of special needs and this is something I am going to need to get good at.

Enter Bethany Covington, our ANGEL who came from Scottland, raising her own money, to do therapy for a week with us and get us all to see it from a different perspective.  Our time with her helped us all learn how to do therapy with Keller; even ME.  It’s complex and unnatural and hard, but it’s possible.  Something can even be hard and be good.

You don’t have to be naturally great at something to learn it, or even to dominate it.  We all have things in life where we have to push through even when it’s hard.  Surfing and special needs are my hard things.  How can you push through what is hard for you?

The Other Side of the Mission Trip

Last week we finished up our #Mission2Missionaries, which you can read more about here.

It is strange to be on the other side of a mission trip!

It was an incredible and exhausting week.  It took us a couple days of processing to even figure out what had actually happened after it ended!  Bethany was incredible in our home and empowered us to take on every part of Keller’s life as therapy for him.  He is actually loving it and really enjoys the growth and challenges.  We watch him to see when it gets too much but we know we need to push him daily.  He is doing awesome.  We had two incredible community workshops about autism and special needs that were very well attended and are still getting ‘rave reviews.’  People were given knowledge and steps in how to engage people in need wherever they are at.  It was brilliant.  Bethany met with the principal at the special needs school here in Ocean View and even met with one mother who had a recent autism diagnosis of her son.  Amazing.

But for us as a family her time here goes beyond what words can express.

It touched us deeply.

Through our hours of conversation, learning, and engaging in EVERY part of our life, we somehow now find ourselves in a different world with autism.  I feel like before autism was hovering over me like a dark cloud, making everything dreary and impossibly sad.  NOW I feel like I am bigger and stronger than autism and looking down on it like a challenge but one I know we will overcome.  I think Casey would say he learned a lot and understands it all more.  Can you tell who is the feeler of the two of us?

Truly, something shifted in both of us over the week, and I can only give the glory and honor to God for that.  God moved within us and helped us to see everything from a different perspective.  We can do this and we will do this.  Keller is excelling but it goes beyond the physical and palpable signs of growth.  God is in our midst and He will do amazing things.  We are ready to see miracles and looking for every single little miracle He gives us.

In Bethany and her husband Eric we have made new life-long friends.  We are now family.  In our community of Ocean View (and beyond) we are now known as a special needs family who is passionately and loudly advocating for those who were previously overlooked.  We are in it together and we are dragging a BUNCH of people along with us on this crazy ride.  Casey and I are good, we are strong, we are one, and we are THANKFUL.

All the glory and honor and praise to our MIGHTY GOD!

Oh, and it seems that being on the receiving end of a mission trip can be good.  Really, REALLY good.  Amen.

#Mission2Missionaries

We are in the middle of a crazy nine days.  It is what I call #Mission2Missionaries.  We have an incredible new friend, Bethany Covington, who is here all the way from Scottland dong a MISSION TRIP in our own home.  A mission trip to the missionaries.  She works for the Brent Woodall Foundation for Exceptional Kids, located in Texas, but helps direct their international outreach to families all over the world who have kids with autism.  Bethany is training our family in how to do therapy with Keller at all times and has introduced a new therapy this week to us called PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System).  It. Is. AMAZING.  But IT. IS. EXHAUSTING.

We are spending every waking minute with Keller trying to push him in these therapies so he can advance and then we can learn the next stage while Bethany is here all week.  It’s all based around play, so he is having a blast in all of it!  The therapies are very specific and complex so we are also continually talking through them and making sure we are doing it right.  Casey always remembers the details.  I can tell you a story about how I FEEL about the details… does that help?

Part of Bethany’s mission here is to do workshops and reach out to our communities here as those with special needs often don’t have the abundance of resources found in the USA.  It has been super heartwarming for me to see so many people come out and learn about autism.  Last Thursday night we had our first workshop on autism and developmental disorders here at the Ocean View Methodist Church and 45 parents, teachers, and community members attended.  It was insane.  I was overwhelmed with emotion because two months ago I wouldn’t have been at such a workshop and now autism is rocking my world.  It was beautiful.  Then on Friday, Bethany and I went to the School for Disabilities in Ocean View to meet more with the incredible principal who has been working there proudly for 25 years.  She is a mighty woman and I loved seeing more of the school and hearing about their vision.  These teachers are living and working and serving in a world that is all new to me, and I am in awe of them.  Every day my worldview and what I value is being challenged and these people are my new heroes.

So we find ourselves in the middle of #Mission2Missionaries and I have learned that we missionaries still need a lot of change and mission in our own hearts and lives.  I am so thankful for a God who is in the changing business and loves us enough change our hearts.  And as we are changed I can only pray that we can change others.

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the world.” -JRR Tolkein

Someone Else's D-Day

Yesterday was a first of many.

On Monday I took someone else to the specialized pediatrician for an autism diagnosis.  A dear friend of mine in Ocean View has suspected her child has autism and has been researching and studying it for the past two years.  She was WAY further along than I was on my D-Day (diagnosis day).  I was blindsided, but she went in knowing what was coming, more or less.  However, the anxiety and questions were still just as palpable as they were for me.  Knowing something is coming that is not good.  Knowing that the journey ahead will be difficult.  Knowing that this day will mark a change in direction for the rest of her life.  They say that a diagnosis can be relief.  It’s not a relief.  It’s like you are waking up from your worst nightmare to know that it’s real life.

The doctors are so kind.  Other families walk in and out.  There are toys all over the floor.  Magazines to read. Resources to pick up.  But your mind is spinning.  You keep thinking that how could others possibly act like everything is okay when your world is literally falling apart.  Life goes on unscathed but your heart is in two pieces.

For me it drug up some memories as just two months previously it was me in that doctors office hearing a diagnosis.  I remember glancing at the resources and thinking where do you even start.  I remember feeling like I wanted to scream as the doctor pushed Keller to do things I knew he wouldn’t want to do; couldn’t do.  I remember Keller’s exhaustion and my exhaustion.  I remember talking about autism for the first time and my head spinning.  I remember crying in the car on the way home not able to take in the words that had just been spoken over my son.  I remember not knowing how I could possibly face what was ahead.

And then I remember that I did face it.  The world kept moving along unscathed and eventually I did too.  I didn’t pick myself up and move forward because I was a superhuman, but because I was human and that is what we do. We pick up the pieces and we move on.  We make a plan and we carry it out.  We cry a lot and then we stop and eventually we even laugh again.  It’s a new world but it’s still a good world.  That is what will happen for my friend. She will pick up the pieces and move on.  She will find her inner strength through Jesus and make a plan.  And she will laugh again.

This time it wasn’t my D-Day but I am glad that I got to be there for someone else’s.  I know the pain and confusion but together we made it through and prayed at the end giving it to Jesus who is the lover of our souls.  I hope God allows me to be a part of other families’ D-Days.  The tears will fall but the laughter will eventually return.  God is good.

Little Gifts

Being in the midst of struggle really can be tough, but it also can help you REALLY APPRECIATE when life gives you little gifts.

We have a garden and greenhouse on the grounds of the OV Methodist church that was constructed by a recent mission team for weeks the ladies of the church have been watering and sewing and working… with no results.  It has just been patches of dirt.  Until yesterday morning, when Kieren happened to look out her bedroom window and said, “Mommy there are FLOWERS!”  I didn’t even know what she was talking about until later in the morning when we drove by the garden and recognized the yellow treasures that had confidently sprouted from the ground.  The flowers had bloomed!!  All of a sudden, when I hadn’t even been watching they appeared.

Dear sweet Jesus thank you for Kieren Joy Prince.  What a gift that little person is.

Little gifts of life seem to be springing up all around and out of nowhere in our world.  They are bringing me so much joy and very welcome in the difficult terrain that we seem to be journeying through.  Gifts like randomly meeting someone super amazing from the Congo where my good friends Mathy and Antoine live.  Or an incredible DOUBLE rainbow over Ocean View in the morning after a hard rain.

Little gifts like a beautiful warm day where I can wear flip flops even though it is truly winter here in Africa, or a little text from a friend remembering something about my life, or my superman husband going out of his way to start every day with a hug.  BIG gifts like when some of our greatest friends in the world come all the way from North Carolina and spend a week with you and just sink into the goodness of your life.  Like when these amazing friends bring you bags of gifts like Santa Claus and cards from home and little things that make you smile.  Like when these beautiful friends just LOVE the people who you LOVE and celebrate their amazingness.  Oh man, we have had some gifts here with Dan and Suzanne Kelly visiting.

Then there was another BIG GIFT because we got a DOG.  I had recently learned that kids with autism often connect with family pets and so we had been talking about getting a dog for Keller.  But then a friend of ours in Ocean View had a litter of Jack-Russel terriers and decided to GIVE us one as a gift.  Just like that.  So boom our week just got really wonderful.  Kieren is obsessed with ‘her’ new dog that she tried to name Rosie but we swiftly changed it to Beyonce.  For obvious reasons.  The jury is still out on Keller as I think he likes all the ‘cute’ attention in the house and doesn’t want to share with Queen B, but he will surely warm up.  She is a sweet little puppy that has brought some sunshine into our world.

I am thankful for beautiful little gifts that God gives us in these days.  Our God is a loving and giving God.  He lavishes His love on us. He is not hiding from us or keeping His goodness from our hearts.   If we look, He is always the gracious and abundant Father opening to door to meet us and running down the road to embrace us.

Where are the little gifts in YOUR life?

We Can Do Hard Things

We can do hard things

A couple weeks ago some wonderful friends of mine had a party just to celebrate the mantra “We Can Do Hard Things” coined by http://momastery.com/blog/.  I had never heard this before but it quickly has become my new motto.  We all sometimes have hard things in our lives, every day has many challenges, but every once in a while life takes you to the edge of hard things and you aren’t quite sure if you CAN do it.

This week on twitter I saw a post from a sweet little college student saying that becoming an adult was ‘hard.’  You have NO IDEA.  Yep, being an adult is hard.  

Sometimes life is just hard and there isn’t an easy fix.  I notice how difficult this is for others who are watching our lives as they are filled with anxiety in seeing our world that is only getting harder and there isn’t really an end in sight.  They try to give answers or they try to suggest new things or they just stay away.  I get it.  It’s awkward because our life is hard.  It just is.

What is funny (not really) is that our life is actually harder than people even know.  Here is an example.  I was driving into Ocean View one afternoon last week, on a busy afternoon.  In this time of day people are walking all over Ocean View, coming home from school, going to get food for their family, or generally just hanging out outside.  This is an every day norm as life on the streets are alive.  This day one young man was walking across the main road that I happened to be driving on and had two dogs walking with him not on a leash (this is normal).  He looked at me as I drove and took a slight pause in order to walk behind my car just as I passed.  One of his dogs also paused and another did not.  And in an instant I ran over a daushound puppy.  I felt it and heard it.  Kieren was in the car and immediately the dog was shrieking.  I stayed calm and didn’t let Kieren get out of the car.  My initial thought was that the dog’s insides were obviously outside which I didn’t want to see, but knew I needed to get out of the car.  It wasn’t my fault as I was driving on a normal busy road, but the puppy wasn’t protected by this young man and the accident happened.  He was holding the dog, there was blood, but no inside guts.  And the young man just GLARED at me and walked away.  WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY?!?  Luckily one of his friends began to talk to me saying he was taking the dog to his family now, and then I remembered I could also talk and told him I lived in Ocean View at the Methodist church.  So I asked him to come later if they needed help.  And they did need help.  So now I have a new relationship with a young rastafarian man whose dog now has a horribly broken leg and needs surgery.  I have helped with X-rays and initial vet costs but can’t help further.  It is the WORST.  Like the WORST.  Seriously with all the challenges we are facing, most of which we don’t share about because we don’t believe in airing all our hangnails and stomach aches, but I did not need to add RUNNING OVER A DOG to our list.

But this is life.  Life happens.  Sometimes it is blissful and beautiful and sunshine.  And sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes you are having a really hard day and then you run over a dog.  But as our randomly suck-y week continued I was reminded of my new motto, “I can do hard things.”

This is it at the end of the day.  When life really hands you difficulties, like REAL difficulties, you have to just keep showing up.  Life is hard but WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.  For me I have Jesus Christ with me every moment and I feel His strength and presence with me.  I cling to His Word and the promises that I believe are over my life.  But there is no magic wand with Jesus.  You just keep getting up and keep showing up to what you have been given.  AND even in the hard things there are so, so many beautiful and miraculous little moments.  Even when life is really hard, it is also really good.

We can do HARD THINGS.  We can.  I can.  You can.

Therapizing

Keller’s world of play is more and more becoming a world of therapy.  I say we are ‘therapizing’ our entire lives at this point.  Wake up turns into a therapy opportunity.  School is a place where he is pushed toward therapy goals.  Afternoon play is time for therapy.  And then we end the day with bed-time play with a therapy spin.  Yep.  Therapizing our world.

We are now (finally!) starting ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy with some great therapists.   It is based around play but will really push Keller because the goal is to change his behavior to age-appropriate goals based on rewards.  Basically it’s changing his behavior to grow and learn.  A neruotypical child just naturally follows and mimics his or her parents and then learns behaviors, eating, talking, and social cues.  Keller does not do that and so has to be taught everything.  So we are starting with about 3 hours a week and will quickly move to 6 hours and more.  This is in addition to his occupational therapy goals to help him with his sensory problems and our new dietary focus to get him more nutrition and rule out any food sensitivities.

As we therapize our world I feel like I am the last to accept it all.  Keller is doing great (even though today included many tears, it ended in happy play).  Kieren desperately wants to help Keller with EVERYTHING and loves being his therapist, as she is already sister, momma, coach, and dance instructor to him.  Casey is taking it all in stride as he always does with life and is welcoming this new change seeing how much it will help Keller in the end.  And then there is ME.  I KNOW that the end goal is a Keller who can function and flourish in the world, which means he has a lot to learn, but his cries tear my heart apart.  His world is very different from normal kids and I just can’t seem to accept it.  But while it may not be fair, we see God is GOOD in providing so many to walk this new journey with us.  We have doctors, therapists, community, resources, and tons of advice and wisdom.  It may not be fair but it is full… FULL of God’s goodness and provision.

So Jesus we receive this new therapized world along with your great love for us that is so, so evident.

And YOU are welcome for bringing a new word into your world: ‘therapizing.’  Use it in a sentence right now so you don’t forget it.

Our Hearts

This weekend was full of ministry and friends and occasions and people.

I honestly didn’t know how I would make it through.

It included one of my first real ministry obligations since Keller’s diagnosis.  I have been still serving in Ocean View and supporting families, but really slowed down in many of my roles to allow us time to process and adjust to Keller’s new needs.  I was asked last year to be the wedding officiant for a wonderful couple that I taught in my first year at Cornerstone Institute and they mean so much to me.  Weddings are always a privilege and this one was extra special.

But in the back of my mind I kept wondering HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS??

I am not a complete wreck, but my feelings are still so ripe and raw and I had no idea if I was up to such a special and holy occasion.  However, God asked me to be His instrument and so I stepped in.

The day was FULL as I actually first attended the wedding of our great Hillsong friends Thomas and Nande who were married deep in the hills of the winelands, in an area called Tulbagh.  It was a breathtaking setting and the ceremony was full of God’s praise and joy.  Seriously was a special day and I felt lifted being a part of the congregation (it was really a WORSHIP SERVICE and not just a wedding!).

I then rushed to the wedding I was officiating and I count is as such an honor to be such an intimate part of people’s lives.  I get to lead the most important worship service of a couple’s life and see their eyes filled with love and gratitude.  It is beyond beautiful and a privilege to be a part of.  Andrew and Candice said their vows, cried tears of joy, and clutched each other’s hands as they became ONE.  What fun for me.

As I was driving home alone, with the breathtaking scenery of South Africa surrounding me, I couldn’t help but be filled with awe and thankfulness to Jesus.  He is truly alive in my life, and even though the days are fragile, HE IS NOT.  He is God and will always be GOD.  He is looking to fill us and use us, no matter what state our lives may look.

 This is what the Lord says:

“Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool.

“I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts,
    who tremble at my word.”  

-Isaiah 66:1-2

God is looking to fill people who are open.  People who are humble.  People who are broken.  People who are surrendered.

This weekend was a testimony of HIS GREATNESS and STRENGTH when we give him our open hearts.

What is the state of your heart today?

Could you build me a temple as good as that?
    Could you build me such a resting place?
My hands have made both heaven and earth;
    they and everything in them are mine.
    I, the Lord, have spoken!