The Other Side of the Mission Trip

Last week we finished up our #Mission2Missionaries, which you can read more about here.

It is strange to be on the other side of a mission trip!

It was an incredible and exhausting week.  It took us a couple days of processing to even figure out what had actually happened after it ended!  Bethany was incredible in our home and empowered us to take on every part of Keller’s life as therapy for him.  He is actually loving it and really enjoys the growth and challenges.  We watch him to see when it gets too much but we know we need to push him daily.  He is doing awesome.  We had two incredible community workshops about autism and special needs that were very well attended and are still getting ‘rave reviews.’  People were given knowledge and steps in how to engage people in need wherever they are at.  It was brilliant.  Bethany met with the principal at the special needs school here in Ocean View and even met with one mother who had a recent autism diagnosis of her son.  Amazing.

But for us as a family her time here goes beyond what words can express.

It touched us deeply.

Through our hours of conversation, learning, and engaging in EVERY part of our life, we somehow now find ourselves in a different world with autism.  I feel like before autism was hovering over me like a dark cloud, making everything dreary and impossibly sad.  NOW I feel like I am bigger and stronger than autism and looking down on it like a challenge but one I know we will overcome.  I think Casey would say he learned a lot and understands it all more.  Can you tell who is the feeler of the two of us?

Truly, something shifted in both of us over the week, and I can only give the glory and honor to God for that.  God moved within us and helped us to see everything from a different perspective.  We can do this and we will do this.  Keller is excelling but it goes beyond the physical and palpable signs of growth.  God is in our midst and He will do amazing things.  We are ready to see miracles and looking for every single little miracle He gives us.

In Bethany and her husband Eric we have made new life-long friends.  We are now family.  In our community of Ocean View (and beyond) we are now known as a special needs family who is passionately and loudly advocating for those who were previously overlooked.  We are in it together and we are dragging a BUNCH of people along with us on this crazy ride.  Casey and I are good, we are strong, we are one, and we are THANKFUL.

All the glory and honor and praise to our MIGHTY GOD!

Oh, and it seems that being on the receiving end of a mission trip can be good.  Really, REALLY good.  Amen.

Through Her Eyes

This past week my heart has been very, very heavy.  A close friend in the USA was keeping me up to date as a tragedy was unfolding in the life of a family I hold very dear.  This weekend my friend Luke Johnson went to be with Jesus.  My heart is broken with this loss and broken for his mother Jane and sister Michele who are dear friends of mine.  You can read a little about Luke’s passing from his CaringBridge site here.

Luke grew up as part of our youth ministry in Raleigh, and his mother helped lead youth while his sister was also in youth and grew to be a close friend mine.  Jane and Michele are just pure heart and they have shared many precious moments with us in our life.  As long as I knew Luke, he struggled with substance abuse and rebellion, but always was an incredibly special person.  He lived life with joy and LOTS of laughter.  There are a million stories that can be told about Luke and how he loved to make people laugh.  When I think of him today it is him laughing.  Many, many people loved Luke and tried to walk the difficult journey of addiction alongside him guiding him to Jesus and freedom.  Ultimately Luke did not win his battle with addiction and his untimely death was a shock to all who knew him.  The world seems a little less bright without Luke.

However, as Casey and I were reflecting on the tragedy over the weekend, he asked me if I actually knew Luke personally that well or just knew him as another youth group kid.  We had hundreds of kids in and out of our ministry during our time in Raleigh, and while they were all amazing you obviously don’t grow a close bond with each of them.  I pondered the question, and while I had been on a couple youth trips with Luke I actually only remember one time sitting and talking to him alone about his true heart or feelings.  I knew him mostly in groups, always filled with laughter, always in the midst of many others.  So why did this tragedy hit me so deeply?

I suddenly realized that I have a deep and guttural love for Luke because I always saw him through the eyes of his mother and sister.  I was very close over the years with Jane and Michele and we would talk and pray through the harrowing episodes that Luke would put upon himself and others.  It was sometimes a painful journeys with Luke, and as I spent so much time with his mom and sister it was always a part of our relationship.  I honestly never realized that I personally hadn’t spent that much time with this incredible person.  I knew him through HER EYES.

How powerful and profound.  That through the love of a mother and sister I could actually feel like I knew the depths of a person and loved them at their core.  I knew the REAL Luke because of these woman and I prayed for the REAL Luke because of their love.  They loved him so beautifully that it made me fall in love with him.

Loving an addict is difficult and they often struggled with how to love and support him in the ‘right’ or healthy way.  Honestly none of us can every love perfectly; only God does that.  But Jane and Michele loved sacrificially, wholly, passionately and with their entire lives.  They could NOT have loved him better.

Today I sit in Africa wishing I could spend the day in Raleigh to be at my church and hug these special woman.  I want to cry with them, hold the hands of my friends, and grieve together for our worst nightmare that became real.  And I want to see the Holy Spirit fill that room with HIS LOVE and change lives.  I know it will happen.  God will be alive today and He will be glorified.

But I am here, with my thoughts and grief alone.  I cannot help but look at my own sweet son, now almost two and also with an older sister and mother who love him fiercely.  The steps ahead for my son won’t always be easy and we won’t always get it right, but I pray we will love Keller with even a fraction of the love that Jane and Michele gave Luke.

The family has said that Luke is now FREE.  He is now with Jesus.  There is no longer pain, addiction, loneliness, confusion, or darkness.  There is only light and only Him.  And I know there is a LOT more laughter and smiles in heaven with Luke there.

I am thankful to have known Luke Johnson, through her eyes.

#Mission2Missionaries

We are in the middle of a crazy nine days.  It is what I call #Mission2Missionaries.  We have an incredible new friend, Bethany Covington, who is here all the way from Scottland dong a MISSION TRIP in our own home.  A mission trip to the missionaries.  She works for the Brent Woodall Foundation for Exceptional Kids, located in Texas, but helps direct their international outreach to families all over the world who have kids with autism.  Bethany is training our family in how to do therapy with Keller at all times and has introduced a new therapy this week to us called PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System).  It. Is. AMAZING.  But IT. IS. EXHAUSTING.

We are spending every waking minute with Keller trying to push him in these therapies so he can advance and then we can learn the next stage while Bethany is here all week.  It’s all based around play, so he is having a blast in all of it!  The therapies are very specific and complex so we are also continually talking through them and making sure we are doing it right.  Casey always remembers the details.  I can tell you a story about how I FEEL about the details… does that help?

Part of Bethany’s mission here is to do workshops and reach out to our communities here as those with special needs often don’t have the abundance of resources found in the USA.  It has been super heartwarming for me to see so many people come out and learn about autism.  Last Thursday night we had our first workshop on autism and developmental disorders here at the Ocean View Methodist Church and 45 parents, teachers, and community members attended.  It was insane.  I was overwhelmed with emotion because two months ago I wouldn’t have been at such a workshop and now autism is rocking my world.  It was beautiful.  Then on Friday, Bethany and I went to the School for Disabilities in Ocean View to meet more with the incredible principal who has been working there proudly for 25 years.  She is a mighty woman and I loved seeing more of the school and hearing about their vision.  These teachers are living and working and serving in a world that is all new to me, and I am in awe of them.  Every day my worldview and what I value is being challenged and these people are my new heroes.

So we find ourselves in the middle of #Mission2Missionaries and I have learned that we missionaries still need a lot of change and mission in our own hearts and lives.  I am so thankful for a God who is in the changing business and loves us enough change our hearts.  And as we are changed I can only pray that we can change others.

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the world.” -JRR Tolkein

Someone Else's D-Day

Yesterday was a first of many.

On Monday I took someone else to the specialized pediatrician for an autism diagnosis.  A dear friend of mine in Ocean View has suspected her child has autism and has been researching and studying it for the past two years.  She was WAY further along than I was on my D-Day (diagnosis day).  I was blindsided, but she went in knowing what was coming, more or less.  However, the anxiety and questions were still just as palpable as they were for me.  Knowing something is coming that is not good.  Knowing that the journey ahead will be difficult.  Knowing that this day will mark a change in direction for the rest of her life.  They say that a diagnosis can be relief.  It’s not a relief.  It’s like you are waking up from your worst nightmare to know that it’s real life.

The doctors are so kind.  Other families walk in and out.  There are toys all over the floor.  Magazines to read. Resources to pick up.  But your mind is spinning.  You keep thinking that how could others possibly act like everything is okay when your world is literally falling apart.  Life goes on unscathed but your heart is in two pieces.

For me it drug up some memories as just two months previously it was me in that doctors office hearing a diagnosis.  I remember glancing at the resources and thinking where do you even start.  I remember feeling like I wanted to scream as the doctor pushed Keller to do things I knew he wouldn’t want to do; couldn’t do.  I remember Keller’s exhaustion and my exhaustion.  I remember talking about autism for the first time and my head spinning.  I remember crying in the car on the way home not able to take in the words that had just been spoken over my son.  I remember not knowing how I could possibly face what was ahead.

And then I remember that I did face it.  The world kept moving along unscathed and eventually I did too.  I didn’t pick myself up and move forward because I was a superhuman, but because I was human and that is what we do. We pick up the pieces and we move on.  We make a plan and we carry it out.  We cry a lot and then we stop and eventually we even laugh again.  It’s a new world but it’s still a good world.  That is what will happen for my friend. She will pick up the pieces and move on.  She will find her inner strength through Jesus and make a plan.  And she will laugh again.

This time it wasn’t my D-Day but I am glad that I got to be there for someone else’s.  I know the pain and confusion but together we made it through and prayed at the end giving it to Jesus who is the lover of our souls.  I hope God allows me to be a part of other families’ D-Days.  The tears will fall but the laughter will eventually return.  God is good.

We Can Do Hard Things

We can do hard things

A couple weeks ago some wonderful friends of mine had a party just to celebrate the mantra “We Can Do Hard Things” coined by http://momastery.com/blog/.  I had never heard this before but it quickly has become my new motto.  We all sometimes have hard things in our lives, every day has many challenges, but every once in a while life takes you to the edge of hard things and you aren’t quite sure if you CAN do it.

This week on twitter I saw a post from a sweet little college student saying that becoming an adult was ‘hard.’  You have NO IDEA.  Yep, being an adult is hard.  

Sometimes life is just hard and there isn’t an easy fix.  I notice how difficult this is for others who are watching our lives as they are filled with anxiety in seeing our world that is only getting harder and there isn’t really an end in sight.  They try to give answers or they try to suggest new things or they just stay away.  I get it.  It’s awkward because our life is hard.  It just is.

What is funny (not really) is that our life is actually harder than people even know.  Here is an example.  I was driving into Ocean View one afternoon last week, on a busy afternoon.  In this time of day people are walking all over Ocean View, coming home from school, going to get food for their family, or generally just hanging out outside.  This is an every day norm as life on the streets are alive.  This day one young man was walking across the main road that I happened to be driving on and had two dogs walking with him not on a leash (this is normal).  He looked at me as I drove and took a slight pause in order to walk behind my car just as I passed.  One of his dogs also paused and another did not.  And in an instant I ran over a daushound puppy.  I felt it and heard it.  Kieren was in the car and immediately the dog was shrieking.  I stayed calm and didn’t let Kieren get out of the car.  My initial thought was that the dog’s insides were obviously outside which I didn’t want to see, but knew I needed to get out of the car.  It wasn’t my fault as I was driving on a normal busy road, but the puppy wasn’t protected by this young man and the accident happened.  He was holding the dog, there was blood, but no inside guts.  And the young man just GLARED at me and walked away.  WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY?!?  Luckily one of his friends began to talk to me saying he was taking the dog to his family now, and then I remembered I could also talk and told him I lived in Ocean View at the Methodist church.  So I asked him to come later if they needed help.  And they did need help.  So now I have a new relationship with a young rastafarian man whose dog now has a horribly broken leg and needs surgery.  I have helped with X-rays and initial vet costs but can’t help further.  It is the WORST.  Like the WORST.  Seriously with all the challenges we are facing, most of which we don’t share about because we don’t believe in airing all our hangnails and stomach aches, but I did not need to add RUNNING OVER A DOG to our list.

But this is life.  Life happens.  Sometimes it is blissful and beautiful and sunshine.  And sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes you are having a really hard day and then you run over a dog.  But as our randomly suck-y week continued I was reminded of my new motto, “I can do hard things.”

This is it at the end of the day.  When life really hands you difficulties, like REAL difficulties, you have to just keep showing up.  Life is hard but WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.  For me I have Jesus Christ with me every moment and I feel His strength and presence with me.  I cling to His Word and the promises that I believe are over my life.  But there is no magic wand with Jesus.  You just keep getting up and keep showing up to what you have been given.  AND even in the hard things there are so, so many beautiful and miraculous little moments.  Even when life is really hard, it is also really good.

We can do HARD THINGS.  We can.  I can.  You can.

White People in the Hood

In our ministry days in the States, Casey and I led many… MANY mission trips with both youth and adults.  MANY.

Before we moved here I was leading about 6 mission trips a year.  I LOVED being in other cultures and teaching people how to engage the poor and broken.  And I was slowly accepting that it was time to just move my butt over to Africa.

NOW we are on the OTHER side of mission trips.  Since we LIVE in Ocean View, a previously disadvantaged area, we see people in and out of this community doing various acts of ministry and service.  It feels DIFFERENT being on the other side of missions.

This past month we had a mission team visit our church in Ocean View from Anchorage, Alaska for a two week mission trip.  We weren’t able to participate in many of the activities, but I watched from afar and listened to the responses both from my Ocean View friends and our Alaskan visitors.  The trip was filled with projects and meetings and dinners and singing and LOTS of laughter.  The church from Alaska deeply blessed our Ocean View community and there will be lasting imprints left.

 However, not all missions begin and end with the right heart and vision.  I don’t know much, but just a few thoughts about what it SHOULD look like when you bring WHITE PEOPLE into the HOOD.

Top Five Tips on Bringing WHITE PEOPLE TO THE HOOD

1. The Poor Don’t NEED You To Save Them

When I first moved to Ocean View I was shocked when no one brought out the welcome wagon to greet us.  I mean here we were, the amazing Americans coming to save those in need in Ocean View!!  I can still hear the dramatic music in my head…  And… No one cared that we were there.  We only made them suspicious and confused.  They had only been hurt and oppressed by white people, so if anything, they had less inclination to let me into their world.  In their eyes, they were fine and didn’t need me to save them.  They still don’t need me. They need Jesus.  And actually people ALL OVER THE WORLD, from the richest of rich to the poorest of poor need Jesus.  They don’t need you.  So don’t be shocked when they don’t roll out the red carpet.  Your job is to roll out the red carpet for THEM.

2. Missions must be about RELATIONSHIPS

Often mission teams come in ready with projects and goals and only learn a little bit about the people and history.  I can relate, that is exactly what I use to be focused on as well.  You feel that God has blessed you with so much and you want to share as much as you can while you are on a mission trip.  But again , it’s not about you.  Maybe what the poor need isn’t your projects and your progress but YOU.  Be available, have conversations, ask questions.  People LOVE to talk about themselves all over the world.  Get to know them and even share about your own heart.

3. Ask the locals HOW TO DO IT.

When we come into a new environment as missionaries, we often insist on doing things OUR WAY.  This is how we build it, this is how we see it, this is what projects we want to do, and this is how it will all go.  What if you came into a mission environment and asked the people there FIRST what to do?  What do they want to see accomplished?  What are their dreams?  How do they usually fix problems?  How would they like you to handle a situation?  Not only will you engage the locals but you will also learn something new!  What works in America might not work all over the world!

4. CELEBRATE the relationships

Many mission trips have a celebration night at the end where praise is given to the volunteers and all the work they accomplished.  Often those serving stand up and share about how ‘difficult’ various parts of the trip were and how hard they worked.  What if you instead celebrated the people THERE?  For the Ocean View community, this last group of people came into their homes and shared two weeks of working and learning together.  To build relationships is hard, and when it happens it should be shared.  What if you celebrated the relationships made, how the people there served you, and what you learned about them.  Celebrate the people not the projects.  Celebrate THEM not you.

5.  Change your language.  Make your trip less of a ‘mission’ and more of a ‘pilgramage’

A pilgramage is “a journey, especially a long one, made to some sacred place as an act of religious devotion.”  What if your trip was about journeying alongside the people you were serving?  Learning about their home, their lives, their hearts.  Just learning from them not giving to them.  What if you went looking for what God was already doing there rather than what you were going to do yourselves?  God is alive there and if you look for Him, He will blow you away.

So yeah, keep bringing the white people into the hood.  But make it NOT about the white people and ALL about the hood.  We all have so much to learn from one another.

Your Story

Since sharing my story about Keller and his recent autism diagnosis, I have been overwhelmed by so many of YOUR STORIES.  As I have shared my story, you have shared yours.  And I have been deeply inspired and moved.

I have heard stories of your struggles.  Of unfulfilled dreams in motherhood and beyond.  In the agony of my shared story you have lifted me with your own tales of courage and overcoming.

I have some really incredible people around me.

What strikes me is that so many of you have incredible stories of bravery and overcoming, and they have never been shared.  You have told me about your heart and life but not shared it with the world.  And I think the world is missing out.  I think YOU are missing out by not telling your story.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

— Maya Angelou

We keep our stories to ourselves for many reasons.  We don’t want to burden the world, we don’t want attention from the the world, we don’t want the world to know our private lives.  All of these are fine reasons. I just think that in telling our stories, in sharing our testimonies, we get to see the glory of God walking with us in the midst of our hardship.  We get to recognize that even in our darkest hours we were never alone.  We see that though we thought we could never make it, we DID MAKE IT, and we became stronger in the trials.  We realize the beauty in heartache and that what blooms after the rain is glorious.

Are you sharing YOUR story?  What is untold in your life and heart and life that needs to be told?  Tell it for others.  Tell it so others know they aren’t alone.  But most of all, tell it for you.  TELLING your story and opening your heart brings FREEDOM.  It brings healing.  It brings hope.

It’s time for your story.  Keep telling it.  Personally, I have been humbled and amazed and strengthen by your stories.  Thank you.

Christmas in Africa

January 6, 2014

Christmas in Africa is pretty similar to Christmas anywhere else in the world I would suspect.  But ONE thing makes it really special and memorable for me.

THE PEOPLE.

Christmas in South Africa is all about family and community.  The day is packed with visits, and greetings, and presents, and eating, and gathering.  You see all the people you love and spend time together.

The longer we live here the more special Christmas becomes to me here.

Christmas day is hectic and honestly a blur to us, but something I cherish.  In Africa it’s very important for people to ‘greet’ one another by coming to visit, and so our home was filled for much of the day, and then we went to another family gathering with a home also filled to the brim.

Being in all these homes with people filled to the brim fills my HEART to the brim.  Our Christmas-time here reminds me that God has blessed us with an incredible community.

We share life, food, family, and Jesus.  It is rich and it is hard and it is SO GOOD.

Thank you Jesus for sending us your SON in the form of a small, vulnerable child.

Thank you for allowing us to celebrate that perfect and tiny gift.  Thank you for coming to us, and thank you that we can come to one another.

Thank you Jesus that you have come among us once again.